Getting ready for the long haul flight back

Wow....
Time flies.....
Can't describe my feelings now....

It was.....

Winter....

 

Spring came and went...

and now

it's Summer...

 

and its time

to Fly...

back home

 

 

Winter:

Spring:

Summer:

I miss home...

but once I'm back


I'm gonna miss you :-)

The start of my Charlotte's adventure

The first 2 days were dedicated to get over the jetlag, but we did drop by the college on my second day, and I was introduced to Kak Ieta.

Thursday 13th, I met my supervisor and was shown around the department and lab, and on that same day, I confirmed my apartment, and moved in. I had to make a quick detour to Walmart again to get some important stuff (supaya tak menggigil di malam ari):

Friday 14th, marked the start of my days in Charlotte all by myself = to be independent and resourceful (i hope!) There are few people who have offered to help (especially rides) if I needed any... like Fifa who teman me to get the 'hidup bujang trang tang tang' starter kit - which consist of a lot, lot of stuff like periuk, sudu, pencuci muka, pencuci mangkuk tandas, kain lap meja, roti, susu, ubat gegat, bakul sampah, butter, rice, air freshner... bla bla blaaaaaa.... 

Other than settling down, there's some adaptation I need to make.

1. The weather!

When I have to walk out when it's windy.... yikessss! when the temp dropss, even the heater's not helping (still afraid to tamper with it)... masa tu la terbayang-bayang suasana penang tercinta tatkala elektrik takda... alangkah nikmatnya! Haih, rindunya nak berpeluh... huhu.... After 2 weeks, I'm getting used to it now :-) not that bad after all.
Cabaran: waking up! hybernating under the sheets n comforter iz juz irresistable.

2. The measuring units.

awatla depa tamo pakai metric system? everything needs to be converted, fahrenheit to celcius (ooo skang rajin cek temperature n weather...) then gallon to litre..... miles to km... pounds to kg....

pros: trus la jadi terer mengkali darab bahagi segala skang ni :P

cons: I will look confused and blur .. i.e "its not that far, just half a mile from here..." So I'll be like... a mile... yeker not far? (and start converting and calculating)....

3. The road system
this one pun, its oppposite way than us... and since I walk most of the times, I've got to be more cautious and alert.

4. Language

It's ok, but sometimes some of them talk too fast plus accent lagi, and I'll be like lost sikit coz takleh pick up exactly wht they are saying.  This one time, at the store's counter, I said 'pardon?', and the lady gimmie a blank expression, and when I rephrased it "i'm sorry, what did u just say"... and she got it and repeated. They understand if u say pardon, but it's not very common here..
I was having a chat with my labmate, I told him about my accident with a lorry.. he was like "Lorry? how's dat??" (he thought a girl named Lori hit me)...only then it striked me "Ouuhh... u dont call it lorry right... aaaa its a truck!"  haha... And also I figured that they dont say "black coffee or white coffee" here... just go by with cream or no cream/milk... Since we are brought up with british-english, there are some differences but not that obvious I guess :) 

5. Food

I am not very fussy when it comes to food... and I have always loved to try new food. But there's one restriction though... it has got to be halal :-) So I cant just rush into Walmart and pick everything I want, but must check the labels and ingredients first. So far, I don't have problem with food, and I am starting to cook my own meals... haha... masak ntah hapa2 ntah.... There are few Halal Meat stores around, and there's few asian stores as well.. selling spices and stuff... However.... I kinda misssssss the food we have back home. I am from Penang weiiiii!!! what do u expect?! :P

Hmm.. well... that's about it.. for now!
plus minus plus minus.... I kinda like this place :-) hope to make the best out of my time here.

the rocky La-La Land

Some people view life as a student after a certain age as taking time-off from Reality /"normal life" to enter 'student-hood'... sounds like we are in a la-la-land or some sort.

Being a student doesnt give us immunity from all other responsibilites around us. There are bills to be paid, families to look after, datelines to be met, debts n loans to be settled etc... it simply means life resumes. Yes, life as a postgrad may appear to be kinda flexible, having space and given independence (in a way). But.. ouchhh.... these advantages are as deathly as it sounds convenient. It's a part of our battle to deal with this.

Don't misunderstand. I still love what I'm doing... and love and enjoy my time being a student :-) am aware dat everything has its ups and downs... its Just dat... sometimes, it irks me when ppl give the judging look when they discover my status - single and still studying at my age. Sometimes I'm immuned, sometimes I'm affected ;-) well, that makes me human.... and InsyaAllah... I hope will make me stronger.

Btw... here's bits n pieces from a conversation I had with a fren, a student like me... just some Nerdy talk lah...

Part 1

A: internet supposed to offer so many things but i feel nothing for them hahahha

S: yes.. thats y i want to say

S: be far away frm PC even if u r not using it for ur research. it makes u tired, better to be far from it for few days, just play with ur normal life WITHOUT PC

S: its getting impossible nowadays but when u do it u feel better. That y i said..that day, turn off my messenger and blablab

S: some times we waste many energy for just checking our emails and useless thing via the internet

A: u know, rite now i am waiting for something from email for more than a week

S: yeah same as mine

A: no reply till now, so internet makes me more dpressed now than ever

S: thats yyyyyyyyy

S: we hate the internet i guess

A: yaaaa

S: me & u right now

A: irony

A: but we are using it to talk now

S: yes... LOL

S: i love internet

S: but sometime i hate PC AND INTERNET

S: I FELL IT MAKE ME MORE CRAAZY

.... and duh.... wat am i doing now??? on my PC...online and diverting my emotions to my blog...

MORAL: Balance your life... say no to turning into human-species from Wall-E (too caught up with / reliance on technology that they overlook real human interaction)....

-haha geeky talk gives geeky conclusion...

Part 2

S: thatss the human story,,whatever u dont hav u wish 4 it

A: yes

A: like me

A: i want to travel simply becos i can’t do it now

S: and u forget abt the gifts that u got

A: yes

A: and sometimes i envy ppl who r married n have kids

A: but i know it doesn’t mean life is all the time perfect when u marry n have kids

A: n doesnt mean u not happy when u r single

S: yeah

A: but since i am not in that stage, it makes me feel like i’m lacking

S (who is married): and maybe i envy of ppl who are not married

S: i say..good laa, they can just concentrate on their stuff and their research

S: no extra responsibility, no headache, no overflow

S: they can just be like a mankan think of any single dress or ...they wear

S: me like a jumble up person just jump to the dress and jump to school

A: see... this is the thing

A: human nature

A: like to be in the situation u are not in

S: i totaly understand uuuuuuuuuuuuu friend

A: maybe if now.. i am working, committed n busy bein software engineer

A: i might be thinking

A: y didn’t I further my studies and go into academics

S: so lets fight with this feeling once it comes to us

S: just STOP /PAUSE it

S: we must pause negative issue

A: yesssszz

MOral: KEy to HAppiNess.... Be ThankFul n HAppy for the gifts you already have... its Ok to want more in life... coz its good that u improve n upgrade your life... but dont push yourself to the extent you take things you already have for granted....

..................................................................................................................................

Conclusion of the post?

I need to get back on my feet.

--> please put aside the negativity.... be optimistic... and move forward!

I loved you.... but that's the Past....

Sudah seminggu lamanya.... daku tak ber-laptop.
Wow... and I am still surviving.

Ya laa.. coz these days.... almost everyone, anyone wants/ needs a lappy for work / studies / entertainment etc. maa... not only those dealin with IT / tech stuff.

one thing i miss most.... internet accessibility.... gagagaga

wat bothers me most.... i can't do any work, any time I want....anywhere I want... (like I used to)
and all my works are highly dependent on this thing called computer.. geeesh.


When my laptop buat hal hari tu.....
I felt numb.... mcm nyawa di hujung tanduk...
(although I have backup data.... but then, not updated for one month)
like so worried thinking of how to catch up to one month of progress (if there's any :P)

Luckily, my HDD was not affected... therefore all my data is safe....
but then thinking of how much my "life" depends on the lappy.... so fragile.... so unpredictable... kinda bothers me....

I always have this LOVE-HATE relationship with technologies.... HAHA.....

however.... I am proud to say I am indeed, a computer scientist... :P cecewah


and...ouh... MOST IMPORTANTLY.... I need a NEW Lappy asap....
HP? Toshiba? Acer Travelmate? Haih..... the survey begins!!


P/S:
I loved you for 2 years.... I slept with you... I laughed with you... I cried with you... How could u leave me when I need u most!!!!!! !
@*%#$%##^ Dell XPS m1530.

but ... thanks for the memories .... ahaks... jiwang plak...

reincarnation of a bookworm

Went to the library (after some nano years)… I borrowed 4 books... weeee...

Library is a mysterious place.

It is! Simply because that’s how I remembered it when I was younger. The primary school library was a dark place (tak cukup illumination), with 60% of the books beyond readable. Hard covered, dusty, yellow n dust catching pages, small writings, and traces of book worms. Sure didn’t look like it would attract kids 7-12 years old right? I heard that place has changed a lot, with replacements of furniture and books over the years. But all I can remember… it was a mysterious place.

Libraries got less and less mysterious as I grow up… the secondary school library had wider range of choice of books. But hehe… I secretly had an obsession over older books… a section where not many would end up in. Reading on science discoveries and encyclopedia (seriously weh) when the rest hunt for Tin-Tin series and Heinemann books. Oh ya.. Heinemann’s books... I was after those books too :P so I was not a total weirdo all the time lah.

I hated matriculation’s library… a boring place with number of tables more than the books. The library was used for Prep-session, which I hated to attend. There were no good books to read, so all I did was chat with friends despite getting annoyed stares from the good and behaved ones :P

Then the Uni library. I remember this library! I was there during a field trip when I was 13. At that time, I saw some students reading some thick-thick books with small-small writings with their face almost kissing the pages… “Is this life in uni? dun tell me we gonna have to really read all those thick-thick things?” Horror sight for a 13 -year old!

One year passed in Uni and I didn’t even go 2the library to borrow books… When I was in my 2nd year, I needed to borrow a book, but was clueless of the number of books allowed and period of loan. A junior had to tell me the info… haha… and I never remembered. If I needed to borrow one (once in a blue moon), I had to ask and re-ask :P Haha… I usually google things up rather than spending time in the library. In these once in a blue moon occasions, whenever I go to the library to look for some books, I like the feeling of walking in between the racks n books. Makes me feel so… urmmm… educated! Gagaggagagaha… feel so bookworm-ishh.. like bangga berbunga-bunga. Hahahha…

How things have changed huh… I used to love spending time in a library, but now… it feels like nostalgic and like walking into a museum when I walk into a library… teruk betoi… Apa ni? (Blame the Internet!) I am officially back as a student now… So after this recent visit to the library, I bernekad not to be too alien to a place called a library. I want to feel bookwormish again… konon...

Student I am

Finally….

I have registered yesterday… therefore, I am officially a student once again. Actually, can’t tell the difference since I am still at the same place and doing research in the same area :P~

However… the process to finally declare myself a student again has been somewhat tiring and challenging.

I did not really plan to pursue PhD while I was doing my masters. I knew I have passion for teaching, and after doing some tutoring jobs, I just knew it has to be the path I’d follow.

A school teacher? I almost applied for education course but chose not to, just to keep my options wider. I looked for other courses that can allow me to jump job scopes anytime if I changed my mind about teaching. And…another thing… kids n teenagers nowadays scare me, seriously. They are more advanced and I dunno… aggresive, maybe? I don’t think I can handle them :P~ And I don’t want to end up being a lousy teacher either… so I’ll leave the job to people who are best at it :-) and I really admire those who put 80-100% commitment to their teaching career.

This passion has somehow influenced me to further my studies (*in a field that I chose abruptly but found love in)…

and to my friends who have heard rumours that I’ll be going overseas to do my PhD… (and keep asking me when I’m leaving Malaysia)…

Wow… I think I’ll clarify.

I was at the final process… I already have the offer letters from the university with me. I even got a student ID and web account from the department there with two good supervisors who were interested with my research proposal. What stood between me and all these - a final approval locally (*funding) and visa.

Keboof…. all disappeared like a dream! There were some unresolved issues. I will not elaborate further… But there and then, everything changed. I lost it, my enthusiasm and hope… for some time. The appeal process really ate my motivation, as everything end up with rejections. I was very close to forget about everything and just move on. Industry maybe! But, I hold on… I dunno why. My heart is telling me to stay.

Change of plans. I had to change my mindset as well. Telling myself over and over again, Not to let rejections eat me up. If this is important for me, I have to be strong and stand for it. I also believe in rezeki and destiny. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be. If it’s not, maybe we can still try our best to try to make it happen. But at times, in certain situations, letting go is also the best thing we can do, letting go of something, but still look for other options for the same cause ;-)

Forget about UK and focus on USM. If I were to apply to other local Uni, maybe there will be some resistance in me… but usm, this place will heal and boost my spirits.

Ok…

I’ve just made my way on-board the voyage. I know there’s gonna be rain and shine, thunderstorms and winds, = obstacles, challenges along the way… It might not be a smooth sailing, but I hope it’ll be an interesting journey, a learning curve and get to the destination safely… hehhehee….

Wish me luck ;-)

tenkiu u ollsss… for the never ending supports and words of encouragement :*

am i a computer geek

the answer to the title of this post = No, am not :D

Once upon a time, the word computer and IT sounded very alien to many human. I grew up in that era. When I was in primary school, I did not escape from the most typical question asked – What you want to be when you grow up @ Apakah cita-cita kamu? Most of us answered Teacher, Doctor or Lawyer.

When we started to reach 10-11, the options widened, simply because we were exposed to more choices. One of us wanted to become a fashion designer (now an engineer… but maybe soon going to chase her life-longed ambition). There was this one time, one of my classmates said “I want to become a lecturer” and the whole class went “wooooo”. Everybody looked very kagum with that ambition. Three quarter of the class had no idea what lecturer was, including me, then she had to explain to all curious faces that lecturer is like a teacher but you teach in a university, and everybody was like “woooooo” again. University!!! That word sounded soooo big and dreamy last time. I just stick with Doctor as my answer.

Then somewhere around 12, the government started to promote the importance of science in education. The opening of Science Exhibition centers had really made an impact on kids and young teenagers back then. Suddenly, everybody wants to become an engineer or a scientist (but too young to know that it is too generic to say scientist without mentioning your specialization :P).

I joined the Science Club in Form 1 and 2, and yes, most of the members were science lovers and slightly geek-ish. I still remember joining the educational trip to Usm…  :P My second visit here after first one, accompanying my dad playing football when I was 5. My two close buddies and I roamed around the campus and fell in love with the museum, which has a special science area. Never had it occurred to me that I would end up in this place for a very long time! Hahaha

Hmm… still, I did not know what I wanted to be when I grow up. I would just say doctor (HAHA.. ingat senang-senang ke jadi doctor) masih ignorant lagi time tu. I even dreamt of becoming a heart specialist because the subject Sistem Jantung caught my attention more than anything else in Sains.

All the fantasies ended… when I was in Form 4. Being in a pure science class, during Biology class, we had to conduct some experiments involving B.L.O.O.D. We were doing experiment on blood cells… I thought I was so macho; I volunteered one of my fingers to be the korban. Using traditional utensil, my friends poked my finger… I saw patches of blood… errrr blooood… and suddenly, I felt cloudiness in my head. My head was turning around and I was losing balance, so I quickly caught my stool and sat on it with my head down. I thought it was due to the blood lose (DRAMA… punyalah sikit darah yg kuar)…

The following year, I volunteered to poke people’s finger rather than having mine poked. And kesiannlaaa my friend tu, I keep poking but can’t really poke through coz every time I applied pressure to the skin, I hesitated. She was already jerking her fingers because my uncertainty was actually causing pain to her skin tissues… haha… so someone else took it from me and poked it. I saw blood… deep red bloooood… Again, I had the same experience…. I sat down reaching for fresh air coz I did not want to end up fainting. Malu laaa :P tak macho maaa. Then, I knew, I had to kiss goodbye for anything medical… nurse, doctor, M.A… I would disqualify for anything related to it.

In the meantime, my interest in chemistry subject was degrading. Thinking of how less I actually paid attention to this subject…scary man… I didn’t even revise the subject properly during SPM. I hate it that much I can say. Thank god I survived spm. When I went into matriculations, I still proceeded with pure science without putting much thought into it. I loved all the subjects except for chemistry. Bio, I loved Bio… but again, during an experiment – dissect a white mouse.

I was so proud as Rinaz and I were the first team to complete the dissection and able to separate all the organs nicely… that was before the lecturer asked us to open up the skull. I scratched the skull using the blade. I scratched again, again…. And suddenly everything went black… I felt tight and suffocated. I just walked out from the lab to get some fresh air, and dropped some baby tears. I dunno where it came from, I just felt so weak and useless.

The time to decide our futures

The forms were distributed (belum guna online forms). Everyone in matriculation was busy with the forms. All conversations were about choices, options and future. I saw the list of courses and universities. What course??? Which Uni??? “Not in the Northen area, definitely…never… I am not going to be stuck in Penang/North”. NEVER SAY NEVER eh?? :P

All the pure and applied sciences have either mild or extensive chemistry subjects in it. I wanted to apply to a course that has no chemistry in it. I listed down some of the courses. The list, (we were given only 5 choices back then) I end up with most of it being related to computer /IT subjects.

The reasons I had… First, because it still has the word science/technology in it; and I have always loved science. Second, it has no chemistry subject and anything related to chemistry. Third, I thought computer science means, a lot of technicality and practical works and less reading. HAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHHAAH……. I WAS SOOOO WRONGGGG about the third one!

I played a lot in my matriculations so I did not have excellent grades so I knew I would be rejected if I applied for hard-core courses, plus all the hard-core courses I was interested in, was related to chemistry… hahahaa.. so I’d better play safe with choices I knew I would have higher chances of getting, rather than being a lelong candidate.

My first choice was some hardcore engineering course. Second choice, I wanted to fill in UM-computer science, but people told me that This Uni has the best computer science course. As much as I wanted to explore other places than Northern Msia, however, listening to many advices; I put one of it as my 2nd choice. I thought well, maybe I won’t get the placement and they would forward me to my third choice. I was betting on it.

When I made my call to the KPM operator, and the machine spelled the course I’ve got, I was speechless. “bla bla bla… bla bla” What??? Still in North???? Very disappointed… but not for long… because I started to develop special feelings for this university. Now, I am close to being obsessed to it… mwahahhaaa….

So here I am, still doing Computer Science. Everyone else has graduated and working happily in either computer-related field or opted for other job scopes. I graduated too… but somehow I am still here… extending my stay and studies in this field. So much for a choice I made bluntly right?

Life is unpredictable ;-)