Student I am

Finally….

I have registered yesterday… therefore, I am officially a student once again. Actually, can’t tell the difference since I am still at the same place and doing research in the same area :P~

However… the process to finally declare myself a student again has been somewhat tiring and challenging.

I did not really plan to pursue PhD while I was doing my masters. I knew I have passion for teaching, and after doing some tutoring jobs, I just knew it has to be the path I’d follow.

A school teacher? I almost applied for education course but chose not to, just to keep my options wider. I looked for other courses that can allow me to jump job scopes anytime if I changed my mind about teaching. And…another thing… kids n teenagers nowadays scare me, seriously. They are more advanced and I dunno… aggresive, maybe? I don’t think I can handle them :P~ And I don’t want to end up being a lousy teacher either… so I’ll leave the job to people who are best at it :-) and I really admire those who put 80-100% commitment to their teaching career.

This passion has somehow influenced me to further my studies (*in a field that I chose abruptly but found love in)…

and to my friends who have heard rumours that I’ll be going overseas to do my PhD… (and keep asking me when I’m leaving Malaysia)…

Wow… I think I’ll clarify.

I was at the final process… I already have the offer letters from the university with me. I even got a student ID and web account from the department there with two good supervisors who were interested with my research proposal. What stood between me and all these - a final approval locally (*funding) and visa.

Keboof…. all disappeared like a dream! There were some unresolved issues. I will not elaborate further… But there and then, everything changed. I lost it, my enthusiasm and hope… for some time. The appeal process really ate my motivation, as everything end up with rejections. I was very close to forget about everything and just move on. Industry maybe! But, I hold on… I dunno why. My heart is telling me to stay.

Change of plans. I had to change my mindset as well. Telling myself over and over again, Not to let rejections eat me up. If this is important for me, I have to be strong and stand for it. I also believe in rezeki and destiny. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be. If it’s not, maybe we can still try our best to try to make it happen. But at times, in certain situations, letting go is also the best thing we can do, letting go of something, but still look for other options for the same cause ;-)

Forget about UK and focus on USM. If I were to apply to other local Uni, maybe there will be some resistance in me… but usm, this place will heal and boost my spirits.

Ok…

I’ve just made my way on-board the voyage. I know there’s gonna be rain and shine, thunderstorms and winds, = obstacles, challenges along the way… It might not be a smooth sailing, but I hope it’ll be an interesting journey, a learning curve and get to the destination safely… hehhehee….

Wish me luck ;-)

tenkiu u ollsss… for the never ending supports and words of encouragement :*